Some notes on modern economy.
Socialism
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
Communism
You have 2 cows.
The state takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
Traditional capitalism
You have 2 cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell your herd and retire on the income.
Surrealism
You have 2 Giraffes.
The Government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
An American corporation
You have 2 cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
Royal Bank of Scotland venture capitalism
You have 2 cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your Brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
A French corporation
You have 2 cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A Japanese corporation
You have 2 cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A German corporation
You have 2 cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
An Italian corporation
You have 2 cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A Russian corporation
You have 2 cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and find you have 42 cows. You count them again and find you have 2 cows.
You stop counting and open another bottle of Vodka.
A Swiss corporation
You have 500 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A Chinese corporation
You have 2 cows
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the journalist who reported the real situation.
An Indian corporation
You have 2 cows.
You worship them.
A British corporation
You have 2 cows.
Both are mad.
An Iraqi corporation
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you then invade.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
An Australian corporation
You have 2 cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers and listen to all your mates tell you what a great bloke you are.
A New Zealand corporation
You have 2 cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive…..
